Let's talk about treating yourself like a friend and how to reframe your self-talk...
We’ve all been there. That moment when we look in the mirror and can’t help but think, “Ugh, I’m so (insert something really critical and harsh about self like fat/ugly/stupid/etc).” It’s easy to be critical of ourselves and constantly have a negative comment to make, but it doesn’t have to be that way.
Breaking up with your inner critic is going to require some serious commitment! Journaling is one way to put pen to paper and let those negative thoughts take flight, but if that isn't for you then don't sweat it - there's plenty other ways out there for tackling the beast lurking inside. Have an honest conversation with yourself (out loud or in your head) and really listen what your gut tells you; is this they way you want to be talking to yourself and making yourself feel?
There are plenty of ways to reframe your self-talk and find more compassion and kindness for yourself—which ultimately leads to improved mental health and better body image. Let’s dive in and explore techniques you can use to talk kindly and compassionately about yourself!
The key to reframing your self-talk is simple: treat yourself like you would a friend. Instead of being overly critical or judgemental of yourself, take a step back and ask what advice you would give a friend in the same situation. Chances are, the advice will be much kinder than what you may say or think about yourself in the moment.
1. Become Self Aware
Learning how to treat yourself better starts with getting familiar with your inner self-critic. Really listening to the narrative going in your head. We’ve all been guilty of it. It can be hard to tell how self-critical we are when those thoughts seem so normal!, this voice has become so ingrained in our subconscious that we don't even notice it when it's talking! Take a moment and tune into the words — are they harsh? Cold? Angry maybe? Does anyone from your past come to mind as you hear these critical thoughts? Getting well acquainted with the source of judgment will help turn down its volume over time. To get started, focus on what narratives come up after you eat certain foods or small indulgences, or when you try do something new - do those same patterns persist then too? Get acquainted with that judgemental inner voice; take notice whenever they start piping up again. Maybe even write down a few of these statements, so that you can be aware when they come up again.
2. Be Compassionate
Instead of berating yourself, try talking to your inner critic like an old kind friend. Let them know that while you understand their concerns and fear for you, the way they're going about it is hurting more than helping. Ask if maybe it's time to give love a chance and let your compassionate side take over! Instead of "you're disgusting and fat" say something like, “I get that you might be feeling frustrated or angry right now but maybe a gentler approach would help more. Maybe give your compassionate self some love while working on creating healthier habits - plus, let’s not forget to appreciate our bodies for getting us through life day by day."
3. Reframe Your Thinking
We all have that inner voice in our head sometimes. Instead of beating yourself up for just wanting a little pick-me-up snack when you’re feeling down or stressed - why not turn it around and give yourself the love you deserve? Speak to yourself with kindness and understanding, as if you were someone who you really cares about you like an old friend. Because at the end of the day you are your longest companion and you know yourself better than anyone else, so you may as well be friendly!?
Have you ever flipped through channels on a TV, trying to find something that resonates with you? We often do the same thing in our heads when it comes to how we talk about ourselves. Instead of settling for negativity, criticism, and self-doubt, why don't we try changing from an unkind narrative into one filled with compassion and understanding? It may feel unfamiliar at first but doing this regularly will help break your cycle of being hard on yourself. So be bold - flip the channel!
Give yourself permission to feel whatever is you're feeling and allow yourself the space to find comfort. Think about adding in an additional habit to help yourself feel better beyond the moment, what is it that you need? Perhaps grab your sneakers for an invigorating walk in the sunshine, or write in your journal, or maybe do a quick meditation. Find ways to open up more opportunities of growth within!
4. Find Gratitude
It may also be helpful to practice gratitude daily. Studies have shown that gratitude can lead to increased happiness and improved mental health overall—so why not give it a try? Start by writing down three things that you are grateful for each day; this helps shift focus away from anything negative in your life and refocuses on the good things. Taking a few moments each night to give appreciation for the day's accomplishments is something I try and do - big or small! It reminds me of how much good there is in my life, from having a roof over my head to friends who support and love me. Plus, it doesn't have to be anything complicated; just reflecting on all those simple blessings like food on the table and happy furry family members can make such a difference.
5. Affirm it!
Another way to practice positive self talk is through affirmations. Affirmations are statements used as part of cognitive therapy which aim to challenge negative thoughts and replace them with more positive ones. Try saying one out loud each morning before starting your day; this will help set the tone for how you view yourself throughout the day! Statements like "I am strong", "I am intelligent", "I am loved", "I am calm", "I am beautiful", etc.
You could write down some of these affirmations on sticky notes and place them around your home; then every time you catch sight of one... tada! A reminder that 'you got this' moment incoming. There's no denying that a few reminders here and there helps us practice positive thinking – use affirmations to manifest strength, beauty, intelligence and calmness for yourself (and whomever else needs reminding).
6. Self Care
Self-care is essential for maintaining mental wellness and a healthy sense of self - so make sure to take some time out just for you! What works best will differ from person to person, but activities like reading a book or going for a long walk can be great ways to restore energy. Eating, sleeping well, exercising regularly, paying attention to our breath - these are the key components for self-care. Aside from tending towards physical health, don't forget about being kinder with your words too - talking favorably about yourself helps boost confidence while reducing stress at the same time. It's all part of making sure we're in peak condition both inside and out!
But it's ultimately up to us as individuals on how best we manage or look after ourselves emotionally and physically since what works for some might not work out so great with others; Yoga? Knitting? Hiking? Talking with a friend? Who knows?! That’s where psychological awareness comes into play; understanding deeply when something is refuelling you versus draining your energy levels - tap into your true self knowledge and find ways to support yourself!
All in all, there are many techniques such as treating ourselves like friends, practicing gratitude daily, using affirmations regularly, and taking time out for self care to reframe our self-talk with kindness instead of criticism or judgement. Give some (or all!) of these tips a try today - your mental health will thank you for it! After all – if we want others around us to treat us kindly then we should start by treating ourselves kindly first! Don't forget that you deserve love too!
